Borders Closing

Borders has pretty much thrown in the towel as of today. I've known its been coming, my husband has known its been coming, but it is still hard. Yes, he will be without a second job once they close, and yes it could mean that we have to watch our budget a bit more, but it also means that if he doesn't take another second job he could substitute teach more. And then maybe just try for summer jobs. Oddly, it isn't the money that I'm worried about. I know that God will provide an opportunity that we never thought of.

What I'm going to miss are the memories. The first time I ever saw my husband was at that Borders store. I spent a good amount of our dating time sitting at that Borders while he worked. Our knitting group now meets at that Borders and we have created all new memories there. I am probably going to cry on the last day it is open. I may spend every day there between now and then. I'll miss Sis-in-Law's stories about all the drama there. I'll miss having my husband make me the perfect drinks.

At the same time that I will be sad about the closing, I'm excited about the new opportunities that God has for both Mr. Badango and his sister. This may be the push that they need to start their dream jobs. It may be the push that I need to get serious about publishing my designs and selling stitch markers on Etsy.

Pray for us as we start this new journey. It may get a little scary for us, but I trust that God knows what He is doing.

Light Bulb on Life

Every once in a while I have an epiphany about life and the direction mine is heading. Most of the time these epiphanies are about my weight loss journey. The last one that I had was that I need to think like a skinny person in my eating habits. The most recent one is that I seem to have stopped caring about my outward appearance.

I don't know when it happened, but sometime in the last couple of years I have gone from being obsessive about not showing my face without at least some mascara to not caring if I wear makeup for weeks on end. Its like I just stopped caring about making myself more presentable to the general public. Now don't get me wrong, I know that I am beautiful and don't need to use makeup or clothes to enhance my appearance. The thing is, I need them to enhance my mental health. When I choose to put on make up and find clothes that fit me right and make me look good and that I feel confident in, I am showing myself that I care about me.

If I care about me then I won't let myself continue to gain weight and I will work hard to lose the weight and be healthy.

If I care about me I will take the time every morning to put on some eyeliner and mascara and maybe even some eyeshadow.

If I care about me I will shop for clothes that make me feel confident and like I can take on the world.

I have made a decision this week to start showing myself that I care about me and how I appear to the outside world. I don't want to feel like I'm in frumpy clothes any more. I don't want to panic when I see the camera come out because I don't have a lick of makeup on. I don't want to keep living an unhealthy lifestyle where I keep giving into my cravings, whether it be for food or for not exercising.

This is my motivational post to myself, a post to hopefully keep me accountable, and finally a post that may motivate someone else.

The Illusion Scarf that isn't

I finished my illusion scarf. Of course, after charting all four images and then getting started with the actual knitting I realized that I had written the pattern wrong and my images don't show up too well on the scarf. I decided to just continue on and the scarf still turned out okay. I now have an idea for another illusion scarf. I'm thinking that once Camp Loopy is done I will work on charting it out and knitting it up. Until then, here is a picture of my finished not so illusion scarf.

The way my mind works...

So I signed up to do a knitting challenge through The Loopy Ewe. Sheri, the owner is doing a Camp Loopy this year which includes three challenges throughout the summer. The first challenge was to knit something I would wear around the camp fire such as a shawl or a scarf. The other part of the challenge is that it had to have two colors and it has to be knit between June 15th and July 15th.

At first I was going to do a pattern on Ravelry for a shadow illusion scarf, but then I got to reading the pattern and realized that I didn't think it would work well with my usual tight gauge. Now I have decided to write my own pattern because I want something very specific.

I am making this scarf as a Christmas present and I want to make it very specific for the person I'm making it for so I am "hiding" images of her favorite video game into the scarf. So not only am I writing the pattern, but I'm also writing the pattern for something I've never done before. I'm hoping that my brain is actually wrapped around this concept correctly because if it isn't then I will be doing a simple striped scarf for this challenge, or figuring out some other crazy thing to do.

Sometimes I hate the way my mind works and other times I love it. I look forward to seeing how this scarf project turns out so I an figure out which it will be this time.

The whole trying to lose weight thing

I signed up for Weight Watchers, again.  I'm at an unhealthy weight and I've always seemed to do well on WW.  I thought the fact my parents are paying for it would motivate me to follow the program, but I just had a really off week eating wise. 

Today starts a new week and I'm determined to follow the plan. I will track all of my food and even click off my good health guidelines. I'm just starting to be able to jog a bit during my lunch hour and now I can't wait to push myself further with that.

My mantra for the week will be "Don't waste your parents money." My other mantra will also be "Make your clothes feel looser."

Here's to a good On Plan week.

Accepting the blank space in life

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/hl-devos-mu/~3/eGRhmG2Lg4s/utm.cgi
#Bible http://j.mp/ibSLwN'>Why Cannot I Follow Thee Now -- Tue January 4, 2011 (Devotional)

I love how deep and yet so simple Onward Chambers is in My Utmost For His Highest. Every once in awhile a passage just strikes me, just like this one did. I feel like my life has been on a bit of autopilot for the past three years with a few challenges here and there. I felt God wanting to move in my life but also that He knew I wasn't ready yet. I kept trying to think of ways to serve through our church but nothing really got me going, until I got a phone call from one of the Deacon's wives. She wanted me to start a ministry where members would donate handmade items to the maternity ward at a low income hospital. My first reaction was that I didn't want to give up my precious knitting time to knit for charity. I was also scoffing at the idea that just because I knit I should be making things for charity. And then I felt a bit convicted and started thinking of ways I could make this ministry work. I figured I could dedicate one night a week to charity knitting. I wouldn't have to work on that project any other time of the week. I also thought it would be great to be in a group of Christian women bonding over a Bible study. I love ky Wednesday knit night but have been wanting to join a small group for awhile and none of the current ones fit my schedule. It was at this point that I sent a message to some ladies in the church to run the idea by them and they loved it. I am hoping that this program will be up and running by the end of this month.

I guess in summary the devotional today struck home because it is hard to sit and wait for what God has next, but what we don't realize sometimes is that God is actually preparing us for something big during those blank spaces.

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2011: Year of Changes

I've been at this point in my life a few times before, where I knew that big changes were coming. I knew when I went from a public to a private school that my life would never be the same, and when I went into high school that life was changing, same with when I moved 2 hours from everything I knew to go to college. The biggest change came when I moved even further from the family I grew up with to live where I am now in hopes of better job opportunities. Whether or not the job opportunities have truly been better is up for debate, but I am definitely happy here.

This year brings a big known change, I will be marrying the love of my life. I am super excited to start building our lives together and starting our own traditions and just figuring out what married life is all about, together. Its that together part that I'm most excited about. What I'm worried about is that we are 70 days away from the actual wedding and we still aren't sure about where we are going to live.

There is the apartment complex which has all the amenities we want, but in a location that means Mr. Badango would have to get a transfer to a different store or else deal with a lot of driving and time away from home. Then we have the apartment complex that is in the right location, but has to go through some major planned renovations to get 99% of the amenities we want, just minus the gym. We also have the possibility of being able to move into a house on the same property where I'm living now, but that is only if my uncle is able to get the permits together to make it happen, and at this point I don't see that happening.

Needless to say I'm a little stressed about all of this. I want a decision made before I go back to work on Tuesday and Mr. Badango isn't quite ready for a decision to be made. I guess it will all work out in the end.

In other news there are definitely moths in my current abode and I will be moving my stash into my trunk or into Mr. Badango's current residence for fear that the stupid moths will do hundreds of dollars worth of damage before I am able to get out of this place. It is rather frustrating to be wearing one of the favorite hats you have knit and then to find three giant holes wear the moths have had a field day.

I guess it wouldn't be a New Years post without some goals for the new year.

1) Relax and enjoy life as it comes
2) Show my body the love and concern it deserves by eating healthier and becoming more active
3) Knit some fingerless gloves so my hands aren't always freezing cold
4) Pick up after myself
5) Enjoy married life when it comes