Pennies and Choices

I started writing (yes, with a pen and paper) in a journal a little over a week ago. I had no idea that it would be this therapeutic. In the process of writing in this journal I have realized that I do great at making good eating decisions most of the time, but there are still a lot of times when I let myself slide in my eating decisions. Actually writing down my feelings about my weight and my weight loss journey has been inspiring for me. I have learned a lot about myself and it has actually helped me to make better decisions more often.

Because I am noticing a difference in my eating choices I got to thinking about ways I could really show myself how these choices add up. Each choice by itself seems so miniscule and really won't have a huge impact on the scale, but all of those choices combined will. The concept reminded me of collecting pennies to save toward something that you really want. Depending on what you are saving for it could take a long time to save up enough money to buy the item if you are only doing it a penny at a time. Really losing weight is the same way. If you don't have a lot to lose then you will have to make healthy choices, but maybe not as many and not as long as someone who has a significant amount of weight to lose.

Going on that theory I have started a penny challenge for myself. I went to the bank today and got $10 in pennies. For every healthy choice I make in a day I get to add a penny. For every unhealthy choice I have to take away 2 pennies. I am hoping that actually having a physical reminder about making healthy choices will help me to stay on track. I am also thinking of this as a bit of an experiment, because I really do wonder how many pennies it will take for me to lose a pound, 5 pounds, 10 pounds, and beyond.

Borders Closing

Borders has pretty much thrown in the towel as of today. I've known its been coming, my husband has known its been coming, but it is still hard. Yes, he will be without a second job once they close, and yes it could mean that we have to watch our budget a bit more, but it also means that if he doesn't take another second job he could substitute teach more. And then maybe just try for summer jobs. Oddly, it isn't the money that I'm worried about. I know that God will provide an opportunity that we never thought of.

What I'm going to miss are the memories. The first time I ever saw my husband was at that Borders store. I spent a good amount of our dating time sitting at that Borders while he worked. Our knitting group now meets at that Borders and we have created all new memories there. I am probably going to cry on the last day it is open. I may spend every day there between now and then. I'll miss Sis-in-Law's stories about all the drama there. I'll miss having my husband make me the perfect drinks.

At the same time that I will be sad about the closing, I'm excited about the new opportunities that God has for both Mr. Badango and his sister. This may be the push that they need to start their dream jobs. It may be the push that I need to get serious about publishing my designs and selling stitch markers on Etsy.

Pray for us as we start this new journey. It may get a little scary for us, but I trust that God knows what He is doing.

Light Bulb on Life

Every once in a while I have an epiphany about life and the direction mine is heading. Most of the time these epiphanies are about my weight loss journey. The last one that I had was that I need to think like a skinny person in my eating habits. The most recent one is that I seem to have stopped caring about my outward appearance.

I don't know when it happened, but sometime in the last couple of years I have gone from being obsessive about not showing my face without at least some mascara to not caring if I wear makeup for weeks on end. Its like I just stopped caring about making myself more presentable to the general public. Now don't get me wrong, I know that I am beautiful and don't need to use makeup or clothes to enhance my appearance. The thing is, I need them to enhance my mental health. When I choose to put on make up and find clothes that fit me right and make me look good and that I feel confident in, I am showing myself that I care about me.

If I care about me then I won't let myself continue to gain weight and I will work hard to lose the weight and be healthy.

If I care about me I will take the time every morning to put on some eyeliner and mascara and maybe even some eyeshadow.

If I care about me I will shop for clothes that make me feel confident and like I can take on the world.

I have made a decision this week to start showing myself that I care about me and how I appear to the outside world. I don't want to feel like I'm in frumpy clothes any more. I don't want to panic when I see the camera come out because I don't have a lick of makeup on. I don't want to keep living an unhealthy lifestyle where I keep giving into my cravings, whether it be for food or for not exercising.

This is my motivational post to myself, a post to hopefully keep me accountable, and finally a post that may motivate someone else.

The Illusion Scarf that isn't

I finished my illusion scarf. Of course, after charting all four images and then getting started with the actual knitting I realized that I had written the pattern wrong and my images don't show up too well on the scarf. I decided to just continue on and the scarf still turned out okay. I now have an idea for another illusion scarf. I'm thinking that once Camp Loopy is done I will work on charting it out and knitting it up. Until then, here is a picture of my finished not so illusion scarf.

The way my mind works...

So I signed up to do a knitting challenge through The Loopy Ewe. Sheri, the owner is doing a Camp Loopy this year which includes three challenges throughout the summer. The first challenge was to knit something I would wear around the camp fire such as a shawl or a scarf. The other part of the challenge is that it had to have two colors and it has to be knit between June 15th and July 15th.

At first I was going to do a pattern on Ravelry for a shadow illusion scarf, but then I got to reading the pattern and realized that I didn't think it would work well with my usual tight gauge. Now I have decided to write my own pattern because I want something very specific.

I am making this scarf as a Christmas present and I want to make it very specific for the person I'm making it for so I am "hiding" images of her favorite video game into the scarf. So not only am I writing the pattern, but I'm also writing the pattern for something I've never done before. I'm hoping that my brain is actually wrapped around this concept correctly because if it isn't then I will be doing a simple striped scarf for this challenge, or figuring out some other crazy thing to do.

Sometimes I hate the way my mind works and other times I love it. I look forward to seeing how this scarf project turns out so I an figure out which it will be this time.

The whole trying to lose weight thing

I signed up for Weight Watchers, again.  I'm at an unhealthy weight and I've always seemed to do well on WW.  I thought the fact my parents are paying for it would motivate me to follow the program, but I just had a really off week eating wise. 

Today starts a new week and I'm determined to follow the plan. I will track all of my food and even click off my good health guidelines. I'm just starting to be able to jog a bit during my lunch hour and now I can't wait to push myself further with that.

My mantra for the week will be "Don't waste your parents money." My other mantra will also be "Make your clothes feel looser."

Here's to a good On Plan week.

Accepting the blank space in life

http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/hl-devos-mu/~3/eGRhmG2Lg4s/utm.cgi
#Bible http://j.mp/ibSLwN'>Why Cannot I Follow Thee Now -- Tue January 4, 2011 (Devotional)

I love how deep and yet so simple Onward Chambers is in My Utmost For His Highest. Every once in awhile a passage just strikes me, just like this one did. I feel like my life has been on a bit of autopilot for the past three years with a few challenges here and there. I felt God wanting to move in my life but also that He knew I wasn't ready yet. I kept trying to think of ways to serve through our church but nothing really got me going, until I got a phone call from one of the Deacon's wives. She wanted me to start a ministry where members would donate handmade items to the maternity ward at a low income hospital. My first reaction was that I didn't want to give up my precious knitting time to knit for charity. I was also scoffing at the idea that just because I knit I should be making things for charity. And then I felt a bit convicted and started thinking of ways I could make this ministry work. I figured I could dedicate one night a week to charity knitting. I wouldn't have to work on that project any other time of the week. I also thought it would be great to be in a group of Christian women bonding over a Bible study. I love ky Wednesday knit night but have been wanting to join a small group for awhile and none of the current ones fit my schedule. It was at this point that I sent a message to some ladies in the church to run the idea by them and they loved it. I am hoping that this program will be up and running by the end of this month.

I guess in summary the devotional today struck home because it is hard to sit and wait for what God has next, but what we don't realize sometimes is that God is actually preparing us for something big during those blank spaces.

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